We grew up poor. Like many kids, I had no idea. I found fun all around me and never questioned the differences between my childhood experiences and that of my friends. Our splurges were rare but they were the epitome of luxury. What did they include? Real Jif peanut butter, instead of the Big Top Brand of the rest of our groceries. The Disney Channel, because it required a subscription but Mom felt it was educational. And a yearly trip to the PA Renaissance Faire.

It began in 1987, but it was the same every year- we went on Labor Day Monday because Kids got in free. We ate a big breakfast before we went in, and I would get an Italian Pie at 4pm during chess because there was no line.

From the moment I walked through the gate, I was enraptured by the energy, the music, the accents! I was only 5, I think Mary Poppins was the only British I had ever heard but I understood it like I was fluent- my mother had more trouble adjusting. She never really understood as we watched guests get plucked from the audience to have swords juggled by their faces or be hypnotized. My mouth was agape trying to take in everything I could. I was drawn in by the street bits of men declaring their love with roses and women swooning from balconies. But everything changed when you heard a Yeoman bellow, “Make Way for the Queen!”.

In floated a woman surrounded by Guards and Ladies-in-Waiting. In the early years, all of the costumes were passable at best, even the queen was basically a walking velvet couch, but the clothes didn’t matter. The presence did. She used only her voice, no amplification, to address the “townspeople” and guests of Mount Hope. She expressed her love for her people and excitement for the day’s festivities. Onwards she marched to be amongst her people, and that was it. I was a 5-year-old girl who knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

From then on, whenever we went I wanted to wear a costume- specifically that of a Lady. Keep in mind, we were poor… so I spent many hot, August days wearing polyester bridesmaid dresses that my mom thrifted or borrowed in the 1900’s. In year 2 or 3 I convinced Mom to get me a purple princess hat with a veil from Hats by Rebecca, a vendor who was there so long that 20 years later my Grandma helped work at her shop.

I struck GOLD in 5^th grade when my LEAP Class went to a School Day at the faire and unbeknownst to me my teacher submitted me to by Ladied by the Queen *with a huge group of other students. It didn’t matter, they read my name, I took a knee. I was shaking with nerves I was so elated. One step closer.

When I turned 16, I HAD to get my driver’s license because I drove all my friends to faire where we worked. I made $5.15/hour selling Cloister Water by the Joust. I was so good at it that my boss would even let me sell on rainy days. Most of my coworkers were happy to be earning a paycheck; I was working towards my dream. I stood out enough that Tom Roy, one of the actor/directors on their professional cast, asked me if I wanted to take his Improv class in the off season. I was the youngest person there by far but I had the drive and he felt like with the right tools, I could do it!

My sophomore year of college, I auditioned and finally made it onto the Blackfryar (volunteer) cast. I was a scullery wench but I was actually a human sponge. I wanted to learn every accent, song, history fact they could possibly teach me. I got used to bowing super low and watching my heart float out of my chest every time a Lady in a fancy dress walked by. In 2002 they were desperate for women to support the queen, and though I was young I jumped at the chance! My First year as a Lady! I played Lady Amanda Chase because my friend thought the name was funny. Little did we know how long she’d hang around.

I remained a Blackfryar through 2003. When I auditioned in 2005, with my Bachelors in Theatre I was finally able to become a coveted Bacchanalian! Now they taught me stage combat, stage presence, vocal projection as well as how to take care of your body when you are working it so hard physically every day. That was the 25^th Anniversary season. I felt like I was a part of something truly special. Even better, my absolute favorite queen from my childhood reprised her role- Kate Ramsey. She has the biggest smile you’d ever see and can go from Queenly elegant to silly Gypsy in seconds.

Unfortunately life got in the way and I could not maintain my participation in faire as I moved away and on with other parts of my life, but in 2010 I heard they needed a Queen and asked to audition. My mom’s a hairdresser. She worked her magic making my long flowing hair look luxurious. I wore a floor length winter white coat over a tailored winter white suit and felt like a million bucks. I did well on my monologue, choked a little on my song but left feeling very queenly.

I cannot explain the heart-wrenching sadness I felt when I found out I did not get the role. I was offered a spot on cast and it ended up being the best summer of my life. They brought up experts in pyrotechnics and stunts from Disney/Universal and we learned so much. We had an amazing time doing it and we entertained tens of thousands of people as we did. Closing day as Empty Hats sang my favorite song, “Beggars to God,” I sobbed with my cast. I was sitting on the step in front of the Queen’s throne and I thought to myself, “this may be the closest you ever get to being Queen. Take it in. Enjoy every moment.”

This time my break was for more practical purposes. I was accepted into the Specialized Skills program at the CIA as a Targeter. My acting experience was considered a benefit for undercover work and I had a crash course in US Government “functionality.”

I quickly learned that the work was immensely draining emotionally and I needed something to lift me up. I started taking all my vacation days to rehearse and perform at the NJ Renaissance Faire because they had a shorter run and a condensed rehearsal period. I still got to do what I loved and balance it with a career that actually paid the bills. Fortunately, out of creative necessity the directors put together a female acapella vocal group which we named Chaste Treasure and we began performing at outside events then eventually other faires including Pittsburgh and Pocono Mountain before contracting with the PA Renaissance Faire as independent performers.

I wore a huge purple and gold dress, performed 3-4 shows a day and led a Pub Crawl through the shire. The town of Mount Hope has changed. It’s more wheelchair/stroller friendly now because it’s paved. There is far more seating and more modern food and beverage options. But the heart of the place has stayed the same. It has my heart too.

I haven’t performed there since COVID. My character’s signature move was licking faces so needless to say, COVID killed that. Then I moved away and lost myself in work until I worked myself to death and was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis. It’s a difficult thing for my brain to process that I used to bellow from these lungs to thousands of people at the joust or hundreds in crowds but now I can hardly get a few sentences out without a coughing fit. I dream about singing and performing constantly. They are happy dreams. I am not mourning what I miss. I am simply reliving the joy that it brought me.

I wrote off the Queen dream last year when I updated my Bucket List, but friends told me not to give up so soon. Though I am optimistic to my core, it would take some major creativity… I’d need a team of strong men to carry me in an old-fashioned litter or a way to hide my wheelchair. I’d need my portable oxygen and a good supply of cough drops, as well as a Lady-in-Waiting to make sure I took all my meds on time despite being a busy monarch.

But I believe that we’ve all got that SPARK in our hearts. Our one thing that just gives us life. This is mine.