Category: Lifestyle Changes

Do It For Future You

January 26, 2025

Lifestyle Changes

I am the first to admit that I struggle with anxiety. I can tell you exactly when it started (December 2015). My first marriage was crumbling and after 11 years of finding my identity as being a “misses” I wasn’t sure how to navigate the world alone.

I understand what it’s like to look at a simple task and feel frozen – Put something off repeatedly because the thought of it is debilitating, even if you KNOW that you’ll be glad you did afterwards.

Looking back, I can’t believe what I’ve done! I’ve been, seen and accomplished many things that folks only dream about. I’ve been to 5 continents, was a stunt woman, I’ve been on Hollywood sets and have received some of the coolest, most desirable training that our government offers, nevermind the millions I’ve raised to help cancer and heart disease patients. I’ve opened several restaurants and worked every job inside from dishwasher to server and chef and served on nonprofit boards trying to change lives and make the world a better place.

So how is it that now I am crippled by the idea of calling the oxygen delivery or medical supply company because they were mean to me. What?! Don’t I know who I am? The way scarier things I have done?

Now that I’m doing a better job of putting myself first, that includes the comfort and happiness of future Shannon. Maybe I don’t have the spoons to do it for myself right now, but can I possibly dig deep to help out future Shannon? This isn’t just for chores- it could be physical activity. Can I push for just 2-3 more minutes before I get in the wheelchair bc my lungs and legs are growing stronger as I try to push through with my walker?

There are many times recently when I go about my day and everything is where it belongs when I need it. I don’t have to wash my favorite travel mug to use it because it’s already clean and in the drying rack. Other easy examples of this include: folding AND putting away laundry when the cycle finishes instead of fluffing it 4 times, washing dishes when I’m finished eating, coming home and hanging my jacket up and putting my purse away. But this absolutely includes bigger things like: making sure the house is cleaned before you go away for the weekend so that you don’t feel behind when you get home.

Call the doctor. Make the appointment. Schedule the test. Don’t let the uncertainty occupy space in your brain or start to cause anxiety and stress. NOT KNOWING – NOT DOING – it is a decision. Just like avoiding the uncomfortable conversation. I hate conflict. For decades I would rather have not spoken to you again in my life than have to work through a *potentially uncomfortable situation. Do you know how many times I was worse off because I pushed through a conversation I was dreading? ZERO. How many times did I experience a sense of relief and closure of that gaping wound? 💯% It is amazing how my brain can know that information but somehow my body still freezes. I need to make a conscious decision to confront the difficult situation.

I promise you, it’s worth it. The peace of mind is absolutely worth it.

Do it scared. Do it nervous. Do it anyway.

Future You will thank you.

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Rediscovering Bliss: A Journey Through Gratitude, Nature, and Everyday Miracles

January 16, 2025

Lifestyle Changes

I’ve read and watched so many people’s stories of finding their center, forgiving those who have deeply hurt them, beaming with joy in even the crappiest of circumstances and I’m gonna be real with you- I rarely believed them. I always considered myself a very positive person and though I’ve faced my share of hardships, I believe that I have lived a better life than most. That being said, I still carried my fair share of resentments, anger, hurt and pain, I just tried not to give it too much power in my life. Over the past few posts, I’ve discussed how very depressed I had become and that brought with it a skepticism and cynicism that I was ashamed of, but was so all encompassing that I couldn’t see how these friends and public figures were supposedly in such a peaceful mindset and forgiving headspace.

I read a book about 10 years ago called, “The Happiness Advantage” that dove into the science of WHY happy people are luckier. I’m sure we could debate whether there is “science” in “luck” but the book argues, quite effectively I might add, that happy people are more open to the world. Their positive mindset makes them predisposed to seeing opportunities and welcoming life’s twists and turns. Perhaps it boils down to a scientific explanation for – put good energy into the universe and good things will come back to you. I feel that since my diagnosis, I have become the embodiment of this.

When I first went into the hospital, I was honestly so relieved to not be working, physically struggling just to breathe and eat, and emotionally torn about wanting to be with my businesses guiding them to the Labor Day weekend culmination of summer but knowing that I needed to focus on myself. As each day moved by, I was content to learn a bit more about my condition, problem solve with the doctors through my symptoms and history, and encouraged by improvements when I could see them. I think that the first wave of GRATITUDE that I experienced was the moment I rolled out of the hospital. I will never forget the feeling of the sun on my skin and the scent of fresh air in my lungs. It was pure bliss.

From then on, I started to surprise myself by the unbridled joy I experience every day in the simplest of things! I truly appreciate everything from being lucky enough to awaken early to see a sunrise to the mental clarity I get from the icy water when my shower turns cold. I’ve always had blankets but now I actually feel them on my lap: their soft texture, their comforting weight, their reassuring warmth. I smile and talk to the bird bathing in a puddle of melted snow, I giggle with delight as I paint-by-number a canvas of a Sea Isle City sunset, or marvel at the texture of my Ninja Creami sorbet.

Reinforcing these new realizations was my trip to the Azores in November. I hadn’t been to Europe in a decade, and to be somewhere as naturally breathtaking that focused on sustainability, preserving nature, and that crafted foods that are so close to the earth was amazing synthesis with my new outlook. The fish was so fresh it came out of the Atlantic mere hours before and it was so unique to the area that there wasn’t even an English name for it. Dairy is their main export with both the cheeses and the steaks so fresh, lean and hormone free that the flavor was full and developed in a way I had never experienced. Even the snack foods we bought from the grocery store contained REAL ingredients instead of fake colors and flavors. The salty snacks like chips and pretzels weren’t salty at all; the sweets and chocolates were hardly sweet but in both cases the flavors were so developed and full! Potato chips tasted like potatoes! Fast food sodas came in 10oz cans made with real sugar instead of Big Gulp excess dripping with corn syrup.

When I knew that this life changing mindset had permeated my psyche was this past Friday. It was Friday night, it was 26 degrees and windy, the management in my campground turned off the water so I couldn’t shower or do my dishes and laundry. But I felt strong! I was walking pretty freely around my tiny home (my in-home concentrator has a 50ft cord so I don’t have to carry the weight of the oxygen tank but I can reach everything I need to be comfortable) and I was cleaning up the holiday mess while the electric fireplace roared. Finally, after 2 hours or so, the water came back on but when it did, I noticed that it was foamy and pink. I went around turning on all the water in the house trying to work it through the lines. After several minutes the sinks were running clear so I turned on the shower and let it run and run. It took FOREVER! Did it bother me? Not in the least! I was smiling in the hot steam and I said out loud, “how nice that whatever they used is pink and foamy! It’ll be so easy to see when it’s all worked through.”

I stopped dead in my tracks, turned off the water, and laughed. I thought, “WOW – this situation might really bug some people, but I feel only joy.” My heart is light, my spirit is optimistic, I feel the love and support of amazing humans –

Don’t get me wrong, every once in awhile I have a momentary flash of panic when it sinks in that I have no job, no income, I don’t know what I’m going to do now except try to get healthier and live my best life. But as quickly as the panic pings, I am then overcome with a peace and trust that says, “everything will work out.” I don’t know how they will work out, as I have also given up making big plans, but I believe that if I stay open to opportunity, then favorable circumstances will present themselves.

This installment focused more on the change in mindset and outlook bringing inner peace and outward joy. Next time, I regale you with stories of some of the unbelievable things that have come my way since this shift.

For anyone feeling drawn to support my medical and living expenses, my friends set up a GoFundMe. These funds are also supporting my Bucket List as I am able. Thank you for your kindness.

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My Battle with Burnout, Breathlessness, and Building a New Outlook

January 7, 2025

Lifestyle Changes

2024 is the year that saved my life and almost killed me. Anyone who knows me is likely aware that I have always been ambitious and loved to keep busy. At first it was school clubs and volunteer opportunities, as I aged it was community outreach and entrepreneurship. After my first divorce, I coped by throwing myself into everything and soon found my identity solely through my work. By the time the pandemic hit, it was everything a restaurant owner could do to survive (we’re selling eggs for goodness sake) and soon I was running multiple businesses, corporations, seasonal operations, and undertakings. Entire days, weeks and years were dedicated to my employees, my clients, my vendor relationships, and the bottom line. I was “too busy” for any self-care, escaping for 2-3 pedicures a year, and monthly bingo games, but otherwise I had lost touch with many family and friends, while also losing myself. I no longer took time for the passions that lifted my soul, and despite living in an idyllic place, I rarely even took the time to enjoy the ocean’s beauty and tranquility.

Though I had increasing trouble breathing for 2+ years, I attributed it to a sedentary lifestyle, aging, and gaining weight. When on vacation in the mountains of Ecuador, at 16,500 feet up at the majestic Quilotoa crater lake, not only was I extremely altitude sick but was also unable to breathe. On a memorable trip back to Gettysburg College for my 20-year college reunion, I couldn’t walk back to my dorm room without accepting a ride from a kind Sigma sister.

All of this was disturbing to me but I was managing IF: I got up early enough to cough all the discomfort out of my lungs, had a pocket of VapoCool cough drops, and slept without laying flat. Until one day, I couldn’t manage anymore. I missed 2 ½ days of work because I couldn’t walk. I didn’t have the energy. When I finally arrived at the restaurant on the afternoon of the 3^rd day, after it taking 5 hours for me to get showered and dressed, a trusted friend with chronic medical issues of her own had a horrified look on her face at finally laying eyes upon me. She begged me to go to the hospital, saying my skin was grey and lips were blue.

When I went to the ED, I thought I’d be waiting forever because I wasn’t bleeding; I expected to be given an inhaler or a treatment then be sent home. I was only there a few minutes before they did my intake and as soon as they took me O2 sats, they wheeled me away. I spent 21 days in the hospital, 11 days in ICU at Cooper University Hospital and from the moment I laid down in that bed, all that was running through my head was “it’s about me now.”

Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t sink in at first. I wanted to be out in 3 days because our restaurant was being featured on television. I had to do payroll on Day 2 or the entire staff wouldn’t get paid. Labor Day was approaching and the staff shrinking so they NEEDED me. But as I was sitting in the ICU running payroll on my laptop (which later took a nose dive b/c it was a LOT of cords) and talking to the nurses about consent to be intubated if my breathing got any worse, I realized… I CAN’T do those things. I physically COULD NOT.

A few days later, my pulmonologist pointed out that when I touched my work phone, my BP and Pulse would jump, while my O2 plummeted. He told me that my prescriptions moving forward were: no stress, no anxiety, no cold as all three could negatively effect my breathing.

I do want to caveat that I was struggling with some crippling anxiety throughout the summer as well as recurring bouts of depression, but just 2 weeks before I was admitted, my therapist prescribed anxiety meds and adjusted other medicine that was having a transformative effect on my outlook.

I laid in that bed in the ICU watching summer come to a close out my window and I felt so blessed. At the thought of giving up all the distractions and unrewarding stress, my whole spirit was light. For the first time in recent memory, my heart wasn’t heavy. I had people from every season of my life reach out – reconnecting with some after almost 2+ decades. The 3 weeks (to the hour!) I spent in the hospital was a Ctrl-Alt-Delete for my whole life. Almost four months later, though I am physically adapting to a new normal, I’m also doing so emotionally. I’m in a new place of honesty, reconnection, and self-respect that has brought so much joy and positivity to my life. It has absolutely come to pass that merely putting positive energy into the universe and being open to the opportunities the world shows me, I have had some unbelievable experiences, which were always the most important thing to me.

I’ll be deep diving into the effects of this beauty I’ve experienced since opening my heart and my life in this next series of posts, though I expect for the stories to be endless if I continue to embrace the goodness that is coming my way.

As always, thank you for reading this far, and if you’re so inclined to help support my medical costs and bucket list, my amazing friends put together a GoFundMe.

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Listening & Mindfulness

November 19, 2024

Accessibility Challenges, Lifestyle Changes

I think many people would agree that listening is a lost art. It’s something we all long for: to be heard. By the world, by the people who mean something to us, by our true selves…

An interesting symptom of my current situation means that I am especially well positioned to listen. Thankfully, I adore people, relationships, and effective communication, so being able to listen to the world around me and the people I encounter is truly a gift. Being challenged to be an intentional listener happens to be an unexpected side effect of my physical limitations.

As someone who is as stubborn as I am, often blamed on the fact that I’m a Taurus, listening to myself and my body can be a struggle. Just as I now have no option except to put myself first, my only option if I want to continue with any kind of active life is to listen to and respect my body. In this particular case, I am balancing my joy at being able to travel with my frustration that I am unable to experience new destinations as thoroughly and with the same degree of immersion as I would have hoped.

Striving to embody the adage,” don’t let perfect be the enemy of good,” I am trying to focus on the wins and the accomplishments, even when it’s often easier to see all the ways I am coming up short. I believe a lot of it boils down to expectations. As humans when our expectations are not met, we are so often disappointed. But I have found that as long as my expectation is simply to do my best, and I am too stubborn to do anything less than my best, I have already set myself up for success.

There are many things that I want to do that I am smart enough to realize I cannot do. If I waited for the circumstances or my health to be perfect before I made a go of it, I very well may be waiting for the rest of my life. What I can do is try and be satisfied by any level of achievement. I am being given the opportunity to try and that is more than some people get.

If there was one thing I can offer you in terms of insight, please try. Believe in yourself enough to give it a go. Even if you fail, you now have the benefit of experience. I have found that sometimes failure makes the best stories. In that regard, I suppose failure is in the eye of the beholder because I will often choose a good story over anything else. And now we are right back to listening. So today- I challenge you to TRY. And once you have, it would mean the world to me if I could listen to your story.

https://gofund.me/4b9de27d

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The Way Forward

November 13, 2024

Lifestyle Changes

It’s been 2 months that I’ve been home from the hospital. I can hardly believe it both because it seems like so little time and yet it feels like it’s been years. The number of changes that have occurred in my life from the moment I walked into the ER, I am still trying to process.

I have known for the last 2 years that my lung capacity has been decreasing, and I was fighting a terrible, chronic cough that would last for hours every morning. I am nothing if not stubborn, but when I was finally convinced to go to the hospital on a Tuesday afternoon in August, not only would my life never be the same, but I would also have a chance to really LIVE and try to make that difference that I’ve always dreamed.

Only since I’ve been out of the hospital and have been able to read my medical records and the reports from the doctors, have I started to grasp the severity of my situation: both of how very sick I was while I was in the ICU and of what my outlook realistically looks like now moving forward. It seems incredibly unlikely that I will ever be able to live without supplemental oxygen again. Things like strolling on the beach or walking the dog are a distant dream, though with any luck, I will at least manage some pulmonary rehab to increase my lung capacity. Things that have brought me the deepest joy in my life: singing, acting, performing… I do not see how I will be able to do any of them ever again. I have no breath support and cannot sustain a note without a coughing fit. On stage no one wants to see me wearing my portable oxygen in all of its noise and cords. I very obviously would not be convincing as any character.

My other great passions are travel and food. I am currently adapting my culinary skills to my new physical limitations because I have not given up on handcrafting excellent meals. Cooking in the restaurant however is definitely over. Open flame and oxygen do not go together. As for travel, I am going to do it as often as I can as long as I can because the first major roadblock that will signify a significant decline in my health is my inability to fly. If my oxygen needs are too great or my lungs aren’t strong enough to manage the pressurization, there is nothing to be done and air travel will cease. I cannot even process how that will affect me. So for now I am going to focus on getting OUT and seeing the world. (Continued after pictures)

15 min After Arriving in the ER. High Flow Oxygen, 45L/min

1st Non Hospital Meal in 12 Days. Manco’s from Ocean City

In the Ambulance transport, they used a machine to blow into my lungs to get them to expand

In the ICU, 1st time out of a Hospital bed in over a week. Made it to the chair

Florida in November. The Warm Weather Makes Breathing So Much More Comfortable

Flying with Mask & Oxygen. Want to Travel While I am Still Physically Able

I am learning so much from the online communities of people throughout the world who are living with Interstitial Lung Disease (ILD) and Connective Tissue Disease. It is helping me to feel validated in my struggle and keeping me from feeling too lonely. It is, however a cautionary tale when I realize how many members are struggling with very severe depression because this disease is so isolating and limiting. Many patients express that lack of awareness about the disease makes outside individuals seem less likely to be understanding or interested.

As I face these winter months and my anticipated streams of revenue have not come to fruition, I find myself faced with a very daunting task of paying rent, utilities, mobility & oxygen equipment, medicine and trying to attack my bucket list any time I have the energy. I am doing my best to trust the process despite wanting to pull my hair out from all of the government paperwork and all of the rejections in my attempts to get Disability Benefits. You would think that in over two decades of performing, I would be more used to rejection by now, but alas, it is so disheartening even in my typically optimistic state.

I cannot believe I even have to write this, but I need to make it abundantly clear because apparently in this age of misinformation and the speed of gossip I need to clarify the nature of my illness. I have chronic lung and connective tissue diseases brought on because of my genetic autoimmune issues, the first symptoms of which go back to 2008. I did not bring this on myself. The continued rumblings and accusations are honestly soul-crushing when I am facing so many other significant challenges that are real and not invented.

So now is when I swallow my pride and ask you all to help support the next steps in my journey. To help hold me over until disability comes through, I find a remote job that can accommodate my health restrictions, or I finally locate that Nigerian prince with an abundance of Visa gift cards. I am so very thankful to my generous friends for taking the time to put together this GoFundMe. And should you choose to make a donation, I ask that you please send me your address if you are willing because I would love to send you a thank you note. It’s something I started back in Middle School that I have committed to not letting fall by the wayside. I so enjoy sitting down to write a proper letter by hand and who doesn’t love real mail anymore?
I will try to be better about posting updates. I find that sometimes if I have too many sad days in a row I do not want to capture them because it is never my intention to bring anyone down. But I’m starting to find the importance of being true to myself, and real friends will not be threatened by that.

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, your kind and generous gifts, your stories, your attentive presence, and your support through this struggle.

https://gofund.me/bfdf7d15

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