Undoubtedly the biggest part of my life and the singular thing that has brought me the most joy in my 42 years is performing. I have been blessed that I have run the gamut from community theater to Hollywood set, stunt woman, singer, and improvisational guru.

When I was young I desperately wanted to be a model or an actress, but I was so shy that I could not grow beyond it and let myself shine. As I got older, took classes, and became more secure in myself, I slowly began to develop the skills necessary to show the world what was already in my heart.

I had the opportunity to spend 2 years as a professional actor, performing in Renaissance faires from the Poconos to Florida, and taking part in some awesome and thought-provoking projects: movies, PSA’s for the government, an original Amish musical!  As I got older and tried to be more responsible, I always managed to keep performing as a part of my life, even as I was working 80-100 hours a week for the restaurant. The few hours of performing were a respite. A calming of my mind and an enlarging of my heart as I brought happiness and smiles to people of all ages. The people that I have met and the places I have traveled because of performing is truly staggering in hindsight.

What I am having trouble accepting is that this part of my life is over. I cannot sing. I can barely get 3 sentences out before shortness of breath or a coughing fit ensues. I can hardly walk to the bathroom let alone walk across a stage – and I’d be dragging my oxygen all along the way.

I find it staggering upon reflection that I have made peace with dying. That part honestly doesn’t bother me and I’m not scared. What I haven’t been able to do is accept that there are certain things that I love the most that I won’t be able to do again. Even my lofty goal of reviving the podcast (in a new genre and with new topics) have waned as I hear how loud my oxygen is on even a simple phone recording, never mind my coughing fits.

So on this Thanksgiving Eve I am reminded to be grateful. For my friends, my family, my support system, and my experiences. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They’re mine and they’re what makes me special. But goodness – to transform into someone else, offer a thought-provoking performance or some lighthearted escape for the audience?! That would be MAGIC.

They say that you never know when will be your last. Last big game, last hug from a loved one, last triumphant bow for an audience’s enthusiastic applause. It’s so true. Please cherish it. I sure will.

If you are willing and able to donate to my GoFundMe to help fund the equipment I need to try to live fully for the rest of my days, I would consider it the biggest blessing: https://gofund.me/4b9de27d

If you want to make plans to meet up, have an experience together, maybe go on an adventure or even just schedule a Skype session – please don’t hesitate to reach out. I think we’d both love it. 💜

Sending you Thanksgiving blessings. May you realize how fortunate you are- for relationships, for material comforts, for health. Much love to you all. ~Shannon Maria